Flight Journals Day 32-38
Magic or no magic, we got them home.
It's not like I had NOTHING, we were able to figure out the Door ritual... use it to trace the connection that Pyro and Cindy share to get a little closer to them, at least we were in the right direction. There were maybe 20-30 rebels with that same shadow magic... if I had my mana it would have been easy, cast the wheel and they dissolve, but it was a bit more of a fight to get everything sorted.
Once we were back, Maddy helped me get my mana back too. She was... scared, not of the dragons, not of the crypt, but of the rest of us just standing there, but she still helped me. She can talk to the dragons, even the ones asleep in the crypt. It's not like the connection I've felt, either, she actually has a conversation with them. She explained that I wasn't trying to go back on my promise... I just hadn't intended on returning so soon. Once my old dragon understood that, they gave me my mana back. I am the Iron Soul again.
But it turns out, I'm maybe not EXACTLY alone with that...
There's another student, Oli, he has Electrokenesis magic. It looks like it's just a few steps off of my own, we even have basically the same spell even though we didn't know it for months know. We can both cast the same Repulsion spell... even though the charge of it just feels... a little different.
He's not an Iron mage, his powers seem to focus more on charging or activating things instead of nullifying them - but knowing that there's someone with magic this close to mine, something that feels strange with similarity. that seems world changing. Every one of us couldn't be more different, and hearing that he hears the Iron sing too... he can feel that same current in the world, in my lab... that feels so special.
Speaking of the lab, I've been working nonstop. Once we were able to figure out how the Door ritual worked, using something important to Pyro, I think it unlocked something in my head about how to make the rituals work for other things too. It's not just about finding the right components, it's not a chemical reaction... it's an emotional one.
The reagents you put into the stone are just there to channel things, physical representations of the intent and goals of the ritual caster... and you aren't restricted to just one either. Yes, one person lights the ritual and they are the final piece, but there's nothing saying you have to do something alone. Combining ritual magic with our actual innate mana... that could work.
So I asked Ros, Juniper, and Graecie to work with me on fixing Zam's crystal. WE combined growth magic, life magic, and blessing magic similar to how we had done even more for bringing Amber back... and it worked. A replacement for Zam's crystal grew from the small shards Graecie had found a few weeks ago, and it connected back with her suit.
She was going to be okay.
She woke up a few days later, and I was so happy to see her up and walking around. It was great, we were all awake, all safe. But after a little bit, it started to feel... wrong.
I've been feeling back alone again. Seeing Zam & Graecie spending so much time together, knowing how much Graecie sat by Zam's bedside and the other way around. They... they really love each other, anyone can see it, hell EVERYONE can see it except the two of them. I wonder if they know, even if the rest of us have already figured it out.
I wanted to just give them space at first, but then I realized I was just... feeling more comfortable alone. I feel like a horrible person, I'm sad that my friend is okay. I'm horrible...
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I'm not alone in being alone, either. Amber and Megii had a bit of a fight recently and Amber... well she's coping in a different way. I can't judge Amber, she was lonely... but AJ?!? OF ALL PEOPLE AJ??!!! Nothing against Amber, she can cope however... I won't judge her, but MY GOD PLEASE not AJ.
I made her a bunk in my room, just so she has ANYWHERE else to go. I hope she uses it, or feels like... safe to use it. I just want people to feel safe around me.
A few days later there was another rebel attack, and we headed off to compare notes after that. We need to get everyone on the same page, and it's been too difficult with everyone dealing with things on their own. These Rebels, the shadows, they're getting more dangerous and more bold. It's causing everything to go sideways and I'm just worried if the rest of us are going to get caught up in the panic. I'm worried for Juniper, and I guess in turn I'm worried for me too.
Graecie and I broke off at one point, I know a rebel... and she was the only one I trusted to tell. Plus I promised her that I wouldn't leave again, so it felt like I needed her to know I wasn't going to leave, more so to go and do something to keep everyone safe. She seemed hesitant at first, but eventually we got to a good point I think, but she said something that really... I don't know, she was right.
I was treating her as fragile, I was avoiding her... because... because I don't know what to do or what to say. I just... I thought there was something else there and I was wrong and I don't know how I feel and I don't know what I'm going to do about it. I just.........
I feel like a really crap person.
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I'm just not sure where to go, or where I fit in nowadays.